Last night I was hanging out with a friend, who I must admit I do like but have little chance of being noticed by, but anyhow we were hanging out and came back to my place. My house that had mysteriously within the 3 hours I was gone transfer itself into what I imagine a ‘retail that caters to stoners’ convention expo floor might look like.
Now you have to understand that my new roommate, who goes by BW, is only 19. In an attempt to either prove to myself that I was hip still or in convoluted way of attempting to be hip I agreed to have him live here. Straight from Christian college and for the first time out on his own BW reminded me of just how far I had come myself and here was my chance to pay it forward to all those people that helped me through the birth into adulthood. What I forgot though was just how radical this conversion to normal can be for a young Christian guy. So he moved in and each week that he’s here the exploration into adulthood traverses a few more steps. And each week I also discover something of myself. Well this week it was the creating a nightclub at home phase.
So my friend and I walk in on middle of this last night, my friend went to lay down since earlier in the evening was drinking just a few beers but at a much more rapid pace than should ever be tried and had thus gotten dizzy. I came out and sat down on the couch and began chatting with all the 19 -21 yrs old who were filling up the living room. About 7 people altogether, all much younger than myself, all just having fun and relaxing. The lights off, a black light on and the occasional strobe light until someone complains then it would turn off for a few minutes until someone else who for whatever reason got the idea to turn it back on. With the lights, the conversation, and the dub-step music in the background my living room was actually just for a few hours transformed into the happening section of a bar. Now of course it actually wasn’t but everyone there was having a good time nonetheless so what’s was the difference?
I had a great time just letting go and relaxing for a change. I get so worked up about finding a job, doing great in school and just living a life focused on the things that I have placed value on. Now I’m not by any means saying that the things I have placed value on should be questioned, quite the contrary, but there in that moment I was able to at least break free of having these things consume my almost every thought and for a night I experienced a mini-vacation with a living room of either complete or nearly strangers.
What’s strange though I also look at it and enjoy how far I have come. Its strange the older I get the more I’m okay with getting older. I’m really glad that I’m not 19 still. 19 sucks, old enough to be treated like an adult but not quiet old enough to actually be viewed as one. What’s strange though is how oblivious the average 19 year old is of this. This is what causes me to get excited about getting older. I can’t wait to discover how one’s meta-narrative evolves. I can’t wait to get on with life, push ahead, find the spouse, buy the house, buy the dog (that of course matches the house), the cars, then adopt, college funds, trust funds, start your own firm, take care of the parents, addition for so that parents can move in (oh god this one has to be the worst!), retirement funds, healthcare, second home, world cruise, you know just the things that make life interesting, the things that I have placed value on. Of course even admitting is just another sign that confirms that this is nothing but a full fledged legitimate quarter life crisis. This QLC has been going on for some time but the last few weeks with graduation rushing towards me like a food truck filled with heavy cream cupcakes ready to crash into me has only exasperated the QLC that was already beginning to appear in parts of the daily routine.
I think about my goals a lot, I confirm them by the movies I watch and the music I listen to, I surround myself with others who have similar dreams. This last one of course is due the endless cassette tapes of Zig Zigler who said this on every single tape that played. But even with all of this going on there comes those times when one must just shut off and live in the moment. Lately I’ve been trying to find those moments to just live in more and more. For the longest time I’ve lived with no focus but the future. The future is important but what is the future more than just a moment that hasn’t happened, that might not happen, that is only but a fleeting thought that fills the void in-between the thoughts of food and those of sleep and shelter.
You can’t live in the future, but without planning for it would you want to live the moment? No, it’s a balance. Last night was a night that caused me to place a little more weight on the side of the 'in the moment'.
0 comments:
Post a Comment