The rabbit hole of unknowns

Sometimes in life the things we want, the thing we need, are just out of reach. Not in a life vs death type of out of reach, nah, this is not a make or break type of reach instead its the type that helps grow patience.

Lately my thoughts have been consumed with finding that perfect job, that perfect person to date, then the new apartment, the new watch, the new pet and with it the new chapter of life. Each day I wake up excited to think that maybe today I will meet the person of my dreams, each night I fall asleep a little disappointed that today wasn't the start of a bad Julia Roberts movie of life long love in a comfortable upper middle class lifestyle. Welcome to my quarter life crisis, part deux.

Instead I must face the cards that have been dealt to me. Before I can finish out this chapter I feel as though a few more lessons are needing to be learned, as if my life is a video game and the hold up in my life is due in part to me not finishing a certain task at this level of a video game.

I am confident that the job I want is just around the corner, the numbers game alone makes me feel confident in that, but the other aspects of my life are much harder to predict when they will happen. When will I find my perfect match, when will have the house I am proud to live in, when will a dog happen to find its way into my life? These questions seem to fill my thoughts lately.

The strange part is part of me feels as though I can't really do anything about it so why try, these things will happen when they are meant to happen and in the meantime I just need to live my life. Another part of me though recognizes that I need to do things now to open to the door for these things to happen. I need to be the thing I want to attract. I need to be the person I want to be around, I need to do the things I want the people around me to do. Sure I am already starting this transformation and am already doing many things that I've longed said I should do but until recently only went that far with. But the more I reflect on what I want in a person the more I realize I have a long ways to go myself.

That seems to be the entrance to rabbit hole of unknowns but my only option is to jump in the hole and hope for the best.