I will get back to my decade in review but today I wanted to show some pictures from yesterdays Heritage Festival here in Hannibal Square.

As most of you know the area of Winter Park I live in is the old black community.  The area is now in the midst gentrification and the original residents are slowly being forced out.  It was nice to see the festival yesterday celebrating the original history of the community and keeping in place aspects of that history.

Ok so this is part 3 of my personal look back into the last decade.  Go here for Part 1 and start there if you wish. 

I left off at Part 2 in August 2004 about to begin at a new college.

So just after the hurricane hit and demolished Kissimmee and I went to Ybor for the break I was went home for the last few days before moving into a dorm at my new college.  My mom, my grandparents and I were going to lunch.  My grandparents came and picked me up for lunch and grandfather looked awful, he asked me to drive which he never had asked anyone to drive before.  I knew something was up.  I immediately called me mom and she came, we ate lunch and my grandparents and I went back to their house.  My mom went to work and told them she had to leave.  He was getting worst, we called an ambulance and rushed him to the hospital.  He had a heart attack.  He was in the hospital for what seemed like forever. My grandmother upset, sitting beside his hospital bed praying for him.

It was the only time I ever saw my grandfather cry.

My grandmother came to stay with my parents and soon they began seeing the signs of Alzheimers with her.  By the end of the month all of knew things were going to be different.  They moved in with my parents, into the extra bedroom and my father began adding an extra in-law suite onto the house. 

The next few months my grandfather spent most of his time in his bed, my grandmother in a small bed beside him.

I was off at college by this point.  Living in a new dorm with cool new people.  One, Ben, of them was from Germany well he had spent most of his high school years there, a place I for whatever had always been interested in.  Another, Fry, was from Kissimmee.  and another, David, from Hawi'i.

Ben had a friend, an roommate of his, Josh who hung out in the dorm most days.  At night he often would sleep in his VW bus in the parking lot instead of going home.  Him and I immediately kicked it off and began spending most of our time together.

I soon got a job in the cafeteria, my roommate was a manager which was cool but a tad odd.  I met many cool students and some local Hispanic people by working there.  I also quickly got involved with the College Republicans (yes I was once a Republican, sad to say) and soon was working for the local office walking the streets of Polk county passing out information on Bush and Gore.  I saw many sides of Polk county I never knew existed and soon began realizing this county was not that much different than the one I fought to leave just a few years before. 

That first semester was quiet interesting.  I had my charismatic experiences in high school but this college a different type of charismatic.  One that which I knew little about.  By this point I had began distance myself from the charismatics and truthfully from the church. 

I stopped going to the orlando mega-church I used to attend because of the drive.  I was going to the required chapels at the college and that seemed like enough for me.  I was attending a early morning bible study of sorts hosted by the president of the school, Dr Rutland.  I was enthralled by him and his magnetic personality. 

There was a teacher, my ethics teacher, who also had this ability.  I sat in his class with 400 other students continually amazed at how well he could control a conversation with 400 people involved, answering questions and actually knowing all the students names.  To this day he is probably the smartest person I have ever met.   (Sadly both are now gone from the college.)

I soon began to blog at how much better my new school was as compared to my old one.  This, of course, upset many of my old friends.  I soon had a falling out with many of those friends including the girl who was as close as a sister to me.  Looking back I understand why they were so upset, I was bad mouthing what they invested in but at the time all I could focus on was how my new college had these seductive and enchanting  leaders.  well that and the resort like campus. 

Sadly I soon lost touch with all the friends my first college.  After I stopped going to the church in Orlando none of them attempted to stay in touch with me so I soon also lost touch with most of them.  I was still in touch randomly with my one friend from high school but I was now at a new college, alone again, burnt by another church, in what seemed like my high school time all over again. 

For some reason the lack of connection from the church really got to me.  I was hoping the my experiences with my first church were isolated incident.  I began seeing that it was actually the norm and began questioning the need for church at all.  I had hurt by many people, why would I join an institution that also would hurt me?  I spent most of the year without ever going church and deep down inside I didn't ever really want to go back.  

There was one thing though that was worst than the hurt from the people, one thing that was eating away at me.  I had to let it out. 

I knew things had to change.  While back at my first college I had shared a secret that I had kept since I was 12.  I knew it was time to tell others this secret.  So one evening while at my parents house, with my grandparents asleep in the other room, I sat my parents down and told them how my best friend, a boy a few years older than me( he was 15 I was 12), had convinced me to let him do certain things to me.  I had been molested by my best friend.  My parents were in shock, my mother literally threw up and they both told me to never speak of it again.

(I don't know if he had done it intentionally.  He pressured me to do certain things but there was still at a certain level me agreeing to it.  This of course was only at a level were I feared a lost of a friend if I didn't, and even at that age I was quiet lonely in life.  Now I know that a friend who would pressure another friend to do such things in no friend at all)

I knew this wasn't what I should do so I turned to the place that had just helped me with my grandfathers heart attack, my blog. I came out later that same night on my blog and finally told the world the one thing that had been eating away at me all those years.  That night I was freed.  My parents, of course, were not happy about me being so blunt but I knew this was the best move I could have made.  That day I was freed and my blog took on a new life for me, soon I was receiving emails from people who supported my move and to this day I sometimes receive emails from people who find the entry and it encourages them to also come out about their own secrets. 

My old friends from my first college all supported me through this but then I lost touch with them again. 

By the spring semester I was loving school, spending every waking moment with my new friends, especially josh.  He was really the closest I had ever been with a friend.  We spent most of our time exploring Lakeland, watching Star Trek, and doing what guys do. 

Sometimes we would sleep on the back porch of my dorm, it was an old studio apartment complex on the lake.  We would lay out there on the porch listening to the ducks, until we fell asleep.  

I decided to get my nipples pierced but didn't have the money so I did it myself, the next day I woke up with a boob and had to go to the doctor to get it disinfected.  I waited till they healed and got them pierced by a professional.  They were my first piercings.  

I had won a goldfish at a carnival of clubs the school put on and spent lots of time with this truly first pet of my own.  He lived in a pickle jar and his name was goldie.  He was the coolest pet I have ever owned, I would feed him chips and peanuts and he seemed to love them.  I trained him to swim through a hoop, just like the dolphins at SeaWorld. 

In Febuary Josh had told me about a cool hippie gathering in the woods near where I grew up.  I had seen the rainbow children, or modern day hippies if you will, all the time growing up but I never actually knew what they did.  So we loaded up in the car and headed up to the woods to meet some hippies. 

We arrived late at night beyond the time when any normal person would be up.  We parked beside some other cars and began walking down a dirt road.  There was a giant sheet hanging in the trees spray painted "Welcome Home" on it and an old lady slowly got out of her rocking chair, walked over to us, and gave me the longest and most guinune hug I had ever recieved, she leaned into my ear and whispered "Welcome Home."

I actually did feel at home.  I had go to a rave or two while at my first college and those felt welcoming but this, this was more than just welcoming, this was a group of people, all focused on love, all focused on peace.  It was the opposite of what I had been around for so long and it felt so right. 

A guide came up to us and walked us down the path, we found a small clearing and put up our tent.  I awoke to the sound near the tent of a guy hollering that he had coffee ready.  I walked over and asked how much it was, free, so I took a cup.  It had some small pieces of something in it.  He began talking about how the pot had more 'shrooms in it the night before but most were gone by the time he actually made the coffee.  it was coffee with 'shrooms.  it was the best coffee of my life. 

We met up with another friend from college, who had been going to gatherings of this sort for awhile.  The next few days were filled with campfires, drum circles, streaking, cigarettes and good times. 

It was soon time to leave for school.  The rest of the semester I longed to go back into the woods to dance with the hippies. 

Back at school I was begining to get annoyed at some of the other students. By this point my next door neighbors had all been kicked out due to the secuirty catching them with drugs.  There was only one guy left in the dorm so I would sometimes go to his dorm just to get away. 

One night Josh and I were on the back porch and we noticed a neighbor a few doors down making out with his girlfriend.  We thought this was funny and decided to annoy them.  So I went in and put on a zebra print thong that I had, pulled it up tight, and with nothing else on walked up to them and asked for a  bucket of ice.  It is by far my favorite memory of that year.  Surprisingly they didn't seemed shocked but to this day I love that story.  Soon after the school had security cameras installed on the dorms, though I think the two aren't related. 

That semester I was finally free of my past and I truly became my own person.  I had great adventures with Josh. I did things that for most of my life I would have looked down upon.  We went camping in city parks, wrestling till my nipples got ripped (I soon had to take out my nipple piercings), spent many hours in the gym, and spent many afternoons enjoying a local BBQ joint.

One day while at a local park jumping off sand-dunes I walked up to the edge of the dune, the sand began to shift, I jumped and landed on clay.  I shattered two vertebrates.  I felt a pain I hadn't really felt before, it was my first broken bone.  I tried to ignore it for a few days but soon realized it was getting worst.  After three days and barely able to move my back I went to to chiropractor.  He was surprised at how I waited so long and had me go through a semester of rehab at a local chiropractor.  I shrunk 1 inch because of the accident and still have trouble with certain things because of my back.


Just before the end of the school year I moved out into my own place.  A small master bedroom turned studio in an older house in one of Lakeland's many ran down areas. 

As a house warming present a friend from my old church who also attended my new college gave me a 24 pack of beer.  I had really ever drank before and was only 20 at the time.  I had no one to give it to so I decided to drink it.  At first the beer was pretty nasty, then the taste grew on me, my beer 24 I was sold. 

The first weekend in my own place was filled with beer, a girl, and lots of fun.  This though soon grew old and it seemed so odd as I was still in college to be a pastor, such lifestyles are usually frowned upon to those of the ministry. 

That summer I got a job at a youth ranch/camp for underprivlaged youth.  It was only a few hours from Lakeland but I would spend most of my time working at the camp.  That summer I learned as much, if not more, as the kids.  I finally dealt head first with my own battles with authority and came out at the end of the summer stronger, happier, and skinner! 

I had saved all my money that summer to buy a old school bus that I could convert into makeshift RV with which I could travel the country.  The bus driver at the camp had done this back in the early 70's and had many stories he shared with as we drove all over the state  to the pick up location each week picking up students.  These stories only encouraged my inner hippie and I was soon sold on the idea of buying a bus. 

As soon as the camp ended I called my friend in Montana and asked if I could go out there.  Camp ended on Thursday evening, I barely slept that night, Friday I boarded a plane for the first time in my memory and headed to Montana.  I arrived at the airport in Spokane Washington later that day where my friends father was waiting for me.  I had just had a summer of healthy small portion camp food and was starving.  I was introduced to Jack in the Box and to this day it holds a special place in my heart.   

The next few days were filled with hiking, exploring small towns, a party, and lots of keno.  Keno is everywhere in Montana and I loved it.  This week was amazing.  I saw mountains larger than I ever imagined possible.  I saw landscapes that were more epic than any postcard I have seen.  I got my ears pierced and had some small diamond studs put in them.  When I walked off the plane and saw my parents my mom thought it was joke, but then she liked them.  I liked them too.  I now had multiple piercings, it felt awesome. The whole week was a dream like overwhelming experience.  On the last I said good bye to all the family and loaded up in a bus for the trip back to Spokane.  My first non-city bus experience. 

As soon as I came back a friend from the college asked me to help her move back to her home in Michigan.  So her, my friend from high school and I loaded up my car and headed out.  The next few days were amazing.  I just turned 21 a few days before and in a small German village just outside Cincinnati I ordered my first beer in public, a Warstiener. 

I took in as many sights as possible along the way.  Atlanta, Cincinnati, Indanpolis, Chicago, St Louis, and the U.P. of Michigan. 

By the time school began the following week I felt as though I had seen America.  I also had spent all the money I had saved up, but two epic trips were must better than an old bus I would probably never been able to drive. 

I was still living in my small master bedroom turned studio.  Cooking on a microwave, no chairs or couch, and bathroom the size of closest. not even a sink deep enough to wash dishes in, I had to strip naked and wash them while I took a shower. It was small, but it was I could afford and it was mine.  I swear to this day my landlord was a drug dealer, getting visitors all times of day and night and never coming out of his house. 

The neighbors across the street would get into arguments in the yard and scream at each other until the cops would arrive.  I found out that the actual room I was renting had been robbed three times just before I moved in.  I was experiencing a side of the city I had only driven through and seen on TV.  

I spent most of my time on campus or at a friends house this semester.  living alone, with no TV, no reliable internet, screaming neighbors, a drug dealing land lord and no place to even sit down seemed depressing to me.  I soon began looking for other places to move. 

I was cleaning banks in the evenings, driving from the school to Avon Park, then  Eagle's Ridge and then to Haines City, a good 3 hours of driving a night, 6 nights a week cleaning banks.  I was spending all my cash in gas and had little time for anything except school and work. 

In august Josh asked me to start attending a church with him, it was his grandparents church and he wanted to start a youth program there.  Another one of our friends, the one from Montana, also began helping.  It was an extremely liberal church and for the first time in my life I was talking to universalist on a regular basis and their points actually made sense.  My faith was being challenged and in return I began questioning many things about my faith. 



I was about to start up a dream I had forgotten about since high school and that dream in a unplanned way would introduce me to a group of people, and one person in particular, who would forever change my life. 

but before that dream comes a time when i was more stressed, more alone, and more confused than ever. and I was about to take drastic move to fix things.  all that though must wait because this entry is again getting to long.

I have homework to do and sleep I must get.  So happy reading and I hope you wait till Part 4.  

I started a decade in review but quickly realized it was going to be way to long.

I left off with the graduation of high school.  I should pick up a  few months later with the beginning of college.

I started college in the fall of 2002. I planned to live at home and commute to save money but after the first few days of driving from Eustis to Kissimmee (About an 1hr and 15mins) I realized I should just suck it up and move on campus.  On the first day of class I met some amazing people and quickly became friends with many of them.  That first week I was a mere 17yr old scared to death hoping life was about to get better.

And it did.  I was soon surrounded by other people my age, all of whom seemed just as scare as I was, and all of whom were going into ministry.  On the first day I met a girl from California, this intrigued me since I was obsessed with the show The OC at the time and it seemed like such a far away place.  the other place i wanted to go was England which seemed to be filled with educated cool sounding folks.  I had secretly dreamed of maybe one day moving to California to run away from all the negative that Florida held for me, California seemed to be one of the only states that was at least as cool as Florida.  Warm weather, beaches, theme parks, and lots of new people, none of whom I imagined to be as cruel or dumb as the rednecks in my hometown.  not just cruel to me but to the animals who for the last few years seemed to be my only friends, these rednecks would kill these friends of mine and mount their heads on their walls in some caveman like competition.  To this day I don't understand this but I now know that these types of people are everywhere, even in California and England.

One of the worst days was an afternoon were I particularly feeling isolated from people.  I had just gotten back to campus after going shopping with some friends and decided to head home.  I got on the turnpike to head back to Eustis.  There was an accident on the southbound side and the lanes were blocked.  People were standing in the median watching the helicopter land.  I was in the northbound lanes and the flow of traffic was still pretty strong.  I looked ahead of me and saw a semi slamming on the brakes.  I came up beside the semi and saw why.  The semi had hit a person, the driver was completely white, people were jumping out of their cars to go help.  The body was lying there, three tears across the stomach with parts thrown about the road.  The smell is something I will never forget, the rare smell of blood.  I couldn't stop, I had seen enough to be forever changed.  I drove to the next exit, got off, pulled into a convenient store, and immediately began gagging.  I called my friends back at the college and my parents.

I was in no state to drive.  My friends quickly came to pick me up.  I sat in the passenger seat sobbing until they arrived, i wasn't even able to sit in the drivers seat.

That day two things changed, one was of course the gruesome carnage I had witnessed, the other though was something even more powerful, the proof that when needed there were true friends for me.  That when i needed someone to call i knew who would answer the phone.  For most of high school I had a recurring nightmare when I was at my own funeral, sitting up in the choir loft overlooking the auditorium and stage, all of it empty.  Everyone had forgotten that my funeral was going on, the only proof was a lone closed casket on the stage.  but now the friends I had suspected would be there for me truly were.  I was not alone. 

Driving back to my hometown each day seemed to create two worlds, one of school and one of the previous self that I still had to put up with at home.  On Sundays I would sit in the Sunday school class, keeping to myself, contemplating the many activities the others in the room had done in the past week all of which i missed since i was always in Kissimmee.  I soon was seeing how the lifestyle of those back home was, well country, compared to my new friends. 

Instead of spending my time in the woods getting drunk I was spending time at CityWalk and Old Town. (two local entertainment complexes in the Orlando/Kissimmee area).  I soon met a small group of friends at my college who I was spending all my time with.  They seemed to accept me for who I was.  All of them could understand me even with my speech impediment, in fact for the first time in my life I was being told it sounded cool and British like. 

The next two years were filled with amazing fun, the best times I had ever had.  trips to the new Tampa Hard Rock Casino, trips to CityWak, the beach, I was always going, always with friends, always having fun.  

It didn't take long for me to stop going to the church in my hometown and instead start going to one in Kissimmee.  This was a small church that met in a school on the weekends and in the pastors house on Wednesdays.  I was finally able to really be a leader in a youth program, though the program was about 5 kids and we sat on a rug in the garage but still i was a leader and it felt so natural. 

The second semester I moved onto campus and was put into a dorm with two seniors and a cool guy who was also a freshman.  I filled my days exploring all that the tourist district of 192 in Kissimmee had to offer.  I had finally escaped the negative times of high school and the boring times found in a small town and was now eating meals at places like Wolfgang Pucks and Planet Hollywood.  I was always going somewhere, soaking up all that this strange new place had to offer.

I was still very depressed on the inside even as I was around so many new people. My new roommates both supported me, helping me and staying up late at night just to chat.  For the first time it seemed I had real friends who were concerned about me and smart enough to know that life had more to offer than a job at the local feed-store and looking forward to the weekend.

These people were from small towns and big cities, private public boarding and home schools, and surprisingly a large number or so it seemed were foreign.  South America, the West Indies, and Africa.  I loved the diversity and the friendliness.    

The classes weren't helping as much though.  Even as I was feeling welcomed in class it was as though I was being told I was going to hell.  See this college believed that I had been baptized for all the wrong reasons I was now going to hell because of it, this obliviously upset me and the constant reminder of this helped push me further and further from the academics the school offered.

I soon found a local mega-church where I quickly got involved with the youth program as a small group leader.  The church was growing like none I had ever seen and I was there for many firsts at the church.  I finally was a part of the highly professional production focused church style that so many churches I used to attend dreamed of becoming.  

I loved this semester of  college! That summer I moved home but tried to stay down in Kissimmee as much as possible.  The following year of school was much more intense.   I had a few friends that felt the same as I did about the whole baptism = salvation thing and we would pool together whenever the issue arose.

This was the time I first kissed a girl, and did other things of which I don't feel the need to provide details on, what was important about this though was this was my first time doing anything with a girl.  I had not been attracted to many girls but as soon I as began having fun with them I knew I was straight, before even I had questioned me sexuality due to my lack of interest in any sexual activities.

The very first time I did anything I came back to my dorm and called my friend hysterical because I finally knew what I was, I was normal, I was straight, I was just a teenager who finally was breaking out of my shell of insecurity. 

That summer I moved home but tried to stay down in Kissimmee as much as possible.  This was the semester I began blogging, that one action that I think has had the most impact upon me. The following year of school was much more intense.

The following year I became more and more distant from the actual teachings of the school and this in turn caused me to become more distant with many of the students.  The spring semester I was placed in a room with 3 very unique roommates.  By the end of the year one of them and I all but fought each other.  One night him and I got into it about a dumpster found fan and without warning a fist was thrown and I soon had a knot on my chin.  I ran out of the room and straight to my friends dorm, the one from California.

By this point there were few things that I could say or do to surprise her.  We had gone on numerous adventures exploring every square inch of the tourist district.  One day I called her out to my car convincing her I was upset, when she got to the car I began crying and then showed her my vampire teeth.  She didn't think it was nearly as funny as I did.  (I think the fake blood in my mouth may have been too much).

She was the closest thing I ever had to a sister and she and I did everything together.

By the spring of 04 I realized I didn't want to stay at the small college and was looking to go somewhere new.  I had known a few people who went to a college in Lakeland, Fl and seemed to like it so I decided to check it out.  I drove to the new college to check it out, the palm lined walking paths and the many students (2,000 seems like a ton when you go to a school of 200) immediately sold me.  

The distance to the casino in Tampa was also a great selling point! 

One weekend I knew that I needed to change schools but it had been awhile since I had done any type of charismatic praying but for some reason at this time I felt like my current prayer life wouldn't be sufficient so to jump-start my new life I made a road trip to Brownsville (with my roommate who later punched me, lol).  It was one of those weird wake up the morning and know what you need to do moments.  So Friday rolled around and we headed to Pensacola to go to a random church service.  I don't know how meaningful the service was but it did show me how free I know was with my life.

The summer of 04 was filled with hanging out with friends from my first college as I awaited embarking upon the adventures that the new college held.  This was the summer I discovered nude beaches, beer, and porn shops.  it was quite a summer.  

In august right before I left Central Florida for my new life in Lakeland a hurricane hit and demolished parts of Kissimmee.  What I had been discovering for the last two years was now all gone, the bright signs of 192 all dark, the Student Union building were I would hang out know flooded.

I picked up a friend who was stuck in the dorms without electricity and we went to Ybor City in Tampa to get away from the insanity of Orlando.  This was really one of my first times that I spent any time in my own hotel room, in a city which I didn't really know.  Most of Tampa was still closed due to the fact that they had thought the hurricane was going to hit there but a few things were open and we took it all in.  Tampa seemed cool.

The following week and another hurricane later I started at my new college.   The world as I knew it was about to all change.  Just as school was about to begin the most unexpected emergency was about to hit. 

All that will have to wait till Part 3, sorry this is becoming such a huge crazy blog entry! 

 This is actually very enjoyable to write though.  Looking back has become

Well I guess with it being 2010 (or '10 or however you want to type or say it) that its a new decade, which meant that this year we had the chance to not only see, read, and listen to lists of crap that happened in the last year but also in the last ten years.  It was kind of nice looking back over ten years though.

I guess I should do that on here then.  10 years ago.  goodness I fear this is going to be a long post.  here I go

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With the launch of new decade there seems to be no better time to look back at the past decade.

Year 2000

even ten years past it just saying it makes it seem like a far away distant future.  Ah 2000.  I was a sophomore in high school, more awkward than ever.  I filled my days with telling people they were going to hell, pretending i was a holy than thou person, and hating myself because of the many sins i committed every day. 

The only people who really ever sat with me in the lunchroom were the goths and it wasn't as much them sitting with me as it was me providing them with some lunchtime entertainment.  I boldly would tell them how Christianity was the only way, it was my drug of sorts at the time.  Though I secretly wished I was going, or at least was being invited to, the many parties, orgies, and just plain debauchery that the school hallways was filled with chatter of ever Monday.

By this time though I had found a group of people, most of whom who had 'seen the light' from such lifestyles of excess and were now filling their days with getting drunk in the spirit and high on the holy ghost.   With a rage poorly hidden under a veil of religion and yet lashed out at anyone who tried to get close to me. 

By 2001 I was leading bible studies, christian groups and in the midst of dreams of becoming the rock star I really wanted to be but by this time I had all but given up on the hopes of being a model, a member of a boy band, or actor instead I was doing all in the name of Jesus.  I quickly convinced others around me to buy into the idea of taking anything popular and re-branding it as Christian.  Soon I was leading a monthly wanna be nightclub in the fellowship hall of my church.  It seemed to be wildly successful and I immediately jumped on the bandwagon and began talking to many other groups about replicating this club in places throughout the region.

A new youth minister (who knew I was one of only 2 people on the search board who didn't vote for him) came to town and quickly usurped what little power I had with the club and shut the whole production down.   A meeting with him and my Sunday school teacher, whom I looked up to, literally left me shaking out the rage and shock I had that a 'person of god' could be such a heartless person, saying more or less that I would never amount to anything and telling me I would only be a leader if I took his classes.  Soon all my church friends were spreading rumors based lies he had told about why the whole thing was being shut down.  This was the beginning of the end of my relationship with Church.

What few friends I had seemed to all chose the cool new immature youth minister over me.  I was more alone than ever.  I filled my days listening to techno, filling online message boards and trying to do my best in school.  I devoted myself to the academy I was in at the high school, but it was then also shut down by the district just as it was getting huge.  I was alone, filling my evenings with crying into my pillow, hoping that I would somehow suffocate in my pillow in the night and not wake up in the morning.

By this point I had my license and was heading to Orlando every chance I got.  I had a friend who would usually go with me, just me and him exploring Orlando.  This was back when International Drive was young, alive, and much less tacky than it is nowadays.  Pointe Orlando was the new place on the block and within there was a cutting edge arcade and nightclub where I would spend countless hours watching the Asians dance on Dance Dance Revolution.  This was my only escape from a town that never really accepted me, a town that for whatever reason to this day still views me as an outsider.

One of the memories I will never forget is the empty ghost town like streets of the tourist district after 9/11.  A friend and I headed out to Pointe Orlando for our escape from the rednecks only to find an empty shopping complex.  It was the strangest thing ever.  

techno, cough syrup, and nature were my only friends or so it seemed. even the buzz from god I was used to getting was now all but gone.  I was still leading some Bible studies for a small group of followers who all seemed to claim miracles at my Bible studies.  I was prophesied over to become to the next Benny Hinn (no joke!) and was still counting on this to get me somewhere in life.  Though my intentions weren't all ill conceived or filled with double motives.  I generally believed it was all God leading me to do these things.

The church I was going to for my Friday night high soon brought in the Toronto Blessing.  I roared like a lion, was exercised and soon seeing how insane all of it was.  The last night I ever went to the church a lady got up on the stage and began clucking like a chicken.  My eyes finally opened to the insanity of all that was going on around me.

One of the people who always seemed to support my craziness was a lady who I  know believed could have possibly been in the witness protection program.  She was a mid 30's 1980's L.A. raver, who filled our conversations with stories of raves, gangs, drugs, and running for her life.  She know was filling her days with bible studies in a small southern town. Then without any warning one day she was gone, she literally left on a train in the middle of the night to go back to California.  Last I heard she was making christian films while living somewhere in West Hollywood.  I wonder to this day if any of those crazy things i said or did at my bible studies had any influence on her, and in return on her movies.  scary thought.


By 2002 rolled around I had sold all my own dreams for those of religion, giving up any dream of being an imagineer or architect instead heading into ministry.  I found a small college within a commute of my parents house. 

I graduated from high school, freeing myself from one life and about to re-invent  myself.  One big thing still eating away at me, still filling my thoughts with guilt.

At graduation I got a new car, a tiny little Neon, it was amazing.  The summer before college was filled with lots of questions and fears of what the future held.  One thing was for sure the person who I was was about to change. 

This posting is getting way too long so that will have to wait till part two of decade in review. Next post will be better I promise.  a graphic death, more happy california people, and a trip to the Brownsville revival!

until then happy reading.  and much love.

Ask me anything http://formspring.me/klstorey

I was surfing around the internet the other night and found this video.  A few years ago I worked at a church in the Tampa area, at the church one of the things I did was help the amazing Mike D make his videos.  This is one of those great Mike D videos!  Enjoy...

As most of you know for the last few years I have become increasingly liberal in my biblical theology.  This year as whole I have been attempting to look beyond the simple bible stories as they are told and really take a fresh hermeneutical look at the Bible and my personal religious philosophy.  

I had the privilege this year to attend a church pageant at the UCC church I now attend.  I have never been to a church pageant before and still am confused at what the difference between a pageant and play are.  As I sat there and watched a very comical re-imagining of the traditional nativity story I saw the story from a new light.

Truthfully there is no way to tell if Mary was technically a virgin and the text is vague.  I'm not going to go into a sex education lesson here but as we all know a person can technically get pregnant without going 'all the way,' especially in pre-birth control and pre-Trojan man days.   

BUT the story though isn't focused on the pregnancy!  Look at the text, look at the story.  The actually pregnancy takes a back seat to what happens next.  Mary got pregnant, Joseph freaks out and has a dream (in which an angel visits him and says chill out) and then he comes back welcoming Mary.  He could have literally had Mary stoned to death but instead he took the embarrassment and loved Mary even though EVERYTHING within logic told him she was lying.  The first story in the New Testament of unforgiven love isn't one of a god-man showing mankind how to properly love.  Instead its one of a teenage boy going against everything he knows and instead runs away with his bride to be.

Mary should have never been on a trip 8-9months pregnant (though the journey itself could have had baby Jesus early due to the stress from the traveling.  Maybe that's what gave Jesus the blond hair and blue eyes that all the American religious stained glass windows show).  I suspect Joseph took her and both knew they weren't going home.  Instead they planned to up and leave for good.  They went to Bethlehem knowing it would be a good life.  I suspect on the way they transformed from bride and groom to married couple, no one would know the difference and the simple lie would be all it took to stop people from judging Mary.

As best we know both Joseph and Mary were religious people, following Yahweh was what they did.  Then they woke up on the other side of the tracks, they woke up being those that their religion judged.  The only thing they had left was love, beyond the judgment of religion the love of humanity is found.

Then in Bethlehem they are forced to sleep in a stable.  (If everyone was traveling to their families hometown why was the inn keeper still in Bethlehem?  was he originally from there?  And if so shouldn't he have known Josephs family?)  Sleeping in a stable was not an uncommon happening in those days.  Some where along the way we have cleaned up this scene.  Sorry a stable has more than a couple of sheep and a donkey in it.  It would have had all the slaves  and lower class working people sleeping in it, tons of animals, possibly an elephant or two, lots of camels, few sheep because those were kept outside of the city in little round holding pens, but overall the stable would be a crowded smelly place.

So we have a young scared couple in a room filled with slaves and low class people.  Then in the midst of this a birth happens.  I'm imaging a loud, messy, scream filled, birth with everyone in the stable involved.  So we have a story of love and birth within community.  From the very moments Jesus was birthed it was in the midst of community.  I imagine it was these loud noises that the young (being the night shift means it was more than likely the youngest of the shepherds in the fields) shepherds heard.  The shepherds just a few years separated from childhood then arrive to witness a birth in process with people running all about.  The next morning the entire city knew of the birth, remember they didn't have windows in those days so a woman screaming in a stable down the road could easily be heard.

Beyond the supernatural elements we find an amazing story of love and equality.  We find people of different socioeconomic standings coming together.  Young shepherds, slaves, stable keepers, and a newly wedded couple all celebrating a birth.  At that moment Joseph and Mary knew their lie could come to an end, the wedded couple were in a new city beginning their new life and on that first night community was already being shown to them. 

Beyond the supernatural we find a young groom loving his bride even though deep down inside probably still doubting the story Mary told.  Beyond the supernatural we find a story even richer, a story of love beyond all common sense and we find a story of equality during a usually very personal occasion.

This year the Christian Christmas story was not one of supernatural pregnancies and unquestioning religions followers.  This year I found a story of love and equality.  And that story seems even richer to me.

Just realized its been two weeks since I did a Weekend Reads. Wow I just started back to the blog and already I am getting behind.

I think your all understand with finals and all.

Well this Weekend Read is kind of a 3 week summary of my non-school readings, which hasn't been a lot but still interesting I think.

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You can always tell its the end of the year because all of sudden everyone seems to become obsessed with countdowns. And magazines seem to be the worst, the only people more obsessed with countdowns than those at magazines are the people at VH1.

This though is a halfway useful countdown. National Geographic, or is it just Nat Geo now?, counts down the Top 10 Environmental Wins of the Year.

Finally some good news in the environmental segment, read it and don't feel as guilt for driving your Hummer to the Big Box store to buy your trunk full of Christmas lights that your leaving burning all night.

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Fast Company keeps the countdowns going with another environmental one. This countdown is the 10 Green Startups to Watch.

Use this to not only feel good about what we're doing about the environment but you too can become like Gore and invest in these companies and maybe one day you can make a shit load of money off peoples fears of death by fire. And this time none of those creepy all knowing gods are involved. I can hear the electric solar powered 100% recycled material cash registrars ringing already!

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Not everything in the green movement was good news this week though. Again the information is broken into a easy to read numbers. Top 5 reasons not to get high. um, I'm not even commenting

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Now that getting high seems to be uncool looks as though the Mother Earth is giving it up also. I never did like Hockey and now it seems like the famous hockey stick was broken all along. Looks like its the sticks that cheat as much as the leafs do. Now that we realize its not a hockey stick but instead just a warped piece of lumber is it called the Lowe's lumber stick?

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At least some chart go higher than expected, maybe the economic advisers were not listening to the Top 5 from above when they were making the charts for unemployment. Looks like unemployment isn't improving.

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At least Hungarian homeless people, well a set of brothers, living in cave don't have to worry about it. They are now billionaires. Now after living in a cave how do you spend a billion dollars? that's a lot of squirrel meat! I hear the Hungarian squirrel meat is the best.

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If your one of the unemployed and want to see how others are doing. Or if your just one of the assholes who want to look at how your doing better than those around you, which is probably the case if your reading the New York Times. Here is a cool chart about Food Stamp Usage in America. But either way its a cool way to spend your time while waiting for your unemployment checks to arrive or to spend your time in the Starbucks while surfing your Macbook Pro as your partner is shopping for cool flannel in some art gallery clothing resale shop. hope that coffee, macbook, and flannel keeps your heart warm as you read about food stamp usage. ah the Christmas season is here.

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Instead of wasting all your time in Starbucks now Microsoft is making a new lounge to hang out in. of course the macbook might not be welcomed but neither are the food stamps.

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Well thats a good reading round up for this week. Have a great weekend and see you next week.