Wow, sorry about taking so long to get back to my Decade in Review. Its like 7 weeks into the new Decade and all unspoken rules of countdowns and reviews are based upon the understanding that they shall only go one, maybe two weeks into the new year. So with all apologizes and rebellion I shall now continue my Decade In Review.
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In part 3 I left off with attending a new church and cleaning banks. I soon realized that my small one room (literally it was one room!) apartment just was not going to make it. I found a small two bedroom apartment near the college and moved in. By this time I had left my job cleaning banks due to the hours I spent each evening driving from Lakealand, to Haines City, to Eagles Ridge and then down to Avon Park. It was just too much driving for what little I was making at the time.
At the church I began seeing a need for some type of fun based event for local teens. Josh, our friend Rory and me all began doing a Sunday night service after convincing the church that this is what they needed. The church itself was made up only a few dozen people, almost all over the age of 75, so convincing them that they needed a youth service was some what of a unique battle.
The Sunday evenings were going well but it was obvious to all involved something more was needed if the youth program would ever grow beyond the 5 or so grandchildren of members that came. I was given free range over the idea of what to do. I quickly pulled off the shelf an idea that so many years before was finished before it could begin, Rush Hour.
After a few dumpster diving excursions and some amazing big item donations we had turned a 1940's church basement into a teen experience. DDR, big screen TVs, pool table, video systems, a fun game filled program and tons of candy for sale. After a little word of mouth marketing we had a local boys house come. And for the first time in my life I saw nuns play DDR! lol, its still one of my favorite memories.
It was coming up to the end of November and I had just moved into my new apartment. Even as the youth program was going good I knew something was off. I had become extremely depressed and alone. On a warm November night, a week after moving into my new apartment, I attempted suicide. I wrapped the belt around me neck and stepped off the box. I couldn't breathe but I was alive. I reached for the belt, it was stuck around my neck. I knew I would survive but without getting this off know I could now be paralyzed for life. I clawed at the belt and after what seemed to be an eternity pulled it off. I fell onto the floor on the empty bedroom, laid there for a moment and then ran out of the house. I drove immediately to a friends house and acted as though nothing was wrong.
Of course my friend soon was able to realize all was not well and we talked about all that had happened. By the end of the week I was meeting with a counselor through my school. The next month I began going to a group counseling session on top of the private counseling. I learned many coping mechanism and have since realized the flaws of my actions. I know now that it was not death I was seeking but life, not in a religious fashion but in a purposeful way.
The decision was made to keep me in a leadership role at the church but Josh Rory and I began meeting on a regular basis just to gauge each others personal stress levels. It came out through these meetings about a month later that one of them had around the same time also began internalizing the stress in a negative way and was now in the need of counseling.
By December I had a roommate, was in counseling and Rush Hour was going well. Josh had began recruiting some fellow students to help out with the youth program. They were all amazing people who without nothing could have been done. I began meeting new students who were not in my regular classes.
At first I tried to stay busy with the youth program but with it going strong my role was quickly coming to an end. With this new free time I began hanging out with one of the volunteers from Rush Hour. We soon were hanging out on an almost daily basis. In the spring we took a class together and within weeks I knew I liked this girl.
One day while hanging out with Josh he began joking about me dating this girl and instead of getting the joke and moving on I lingered in the thought of it. For the first time in my life her was a girl I would like to marry.
That spring semester seems like a blur in my memories because all I have are pictures of that girl, Maggie Driver. Her and I soon were together every day. My friendship with Josh now waning due to a plethora of issues, many of which involved our continual bond with each other, causing us to grow tired of each other.
But now there was someone who I could spend every moment with. By the middle of the semester I knew I wanted to date her but was still unsure of how all this worked, this was my first time at such things.
One night as her, I and some of our friends were shopping around wal-mart she reached over and took my hand. She was holding my hand! I tried to play it cool but there was a smile on my face which I could not erase.
The semester was a whirl-wind of excitement. I had gauged my ears, taking the small diamonds out and replacing them with 0gauge plugs instead. I did this a over spring break. The next day I traveled up to see my grandparents. My parents had gone on a cruise so I went to stay with my grandparents. They still had a nurse and the physical therapist visit them on a daily basis but I was there just to be with them. My grandmother wasn't doing so good and I decided to take her to the ER. I drove my mothers seemingly giant SUV to the ER with my grandparents. Alone, trying to calm them, not able to reach my parents who were somewhere in the middle of the Caribbean Sea. Luckily my aunt had the knowledge to know I needed help and drove over an hour to check in on us at the hospital. By this point my ears had swollen and turned black and blue from the gauging of them. My aunt helped my grandparents and me with my gauges. That evening we were finally able to reach my parents, the cruise ship giving them a phone to call us free of charge.
After this I knew my grandmothers health was worst than grandfathers, how quickly life changes.
By April everyone was asking us if we were dating, we weren't and didn't really plan on it. We both seemed unsure of all the feelings and emotions that were happening.
One night Maggie and I went to the local Catholic church fair. We walked aroudn some, rode a simple coaster then got a Venus Fly-trap style flat ride. 4 riders each sit facing the person directly across from them. The cars move up and spin as the ride spins.
Maggie sat across from me. We looked at each other as the ride begun. Then it began spinning. Everything was a blur except for her, laughing with her hair blowing away from her face. It was that moment I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. On this carnival ride the biggest realization of my life had just happened.
The rest of the semester I tried to play it cool with her, not moving too fast. A week before school let out we both sat down, said we liked each other but we weren't ready to date someone. I left feeling saddened and relieved. The decision was over-ruled the next day by both of us, it was official, we were dating. She was the first and only girl I have ever dated and even really interested in.
As the semester ended and a few of our friends graduated we were both getting acquainted with the new titles and roles we found ourselves in. Since the semester was ending it was time for all of us to part ways for the summer. Maggie headed back to see her family in Nashville and I stayed in Lakeland.
By this time my new roommate was working out great. Him and I had become close friends and to this day he is still one of my closest friends. He had found out about the room through a flyer I left in the bathroom of the school, my way of passing out flyers without having to go through the school approval process. My thought was I would get a wider range of people to reply, he was the first and only reply but I couldn't have asked for a better roommate.
By this point my grandfathers health had stabilized but was still of great concern. Both of my grandparents had moved in permanently to my parents house and my father had added onto the back of the house creating an in-law suite for them.
With school over I spent most of my time back at my parents house, seeing my grandparents and my dogs. It was this summer that I finally accepted my new life away from my hometown. By this point I had a completely different life, different in every way than the one had in this town and with these people.
As May drew to a close I began preparing for a trip to Europe my parents decided to give me. I had long wished to be a missionary of some sort to Germany and I was finally able to travel there.
My grandmothers health had only declined since the spring break incident. I knew as prepared for my trip to Europe that she would not be able to understand why I was leaving the country. Her dementia was seemingly getting worst as each day came about.
The day came for me to fly out. The decision had been made to not tell my grandparents where I was going so that they would not be worried.
My father and I packed the car. It was a windy day, like so many at that house. I went back inside, told everyone bye. kissed my grandmother on the cheek, walked out of her room, turned back looked at her as she sat on the edge of her bed. The thought crossed my mind that this may potentially be my last memory of her. I looked back again, almost as a way to take a snapshot of her in this moment. And off to the airport we went.
I was off to a foreign country, my first time outside of the US, only my third time flying. Alone I curled up in my chair, playing Roller Coaster Tycoon on my laptop, looking out the window occasionally as we passed landmarks such as DC and NYC (still my only view of this great city). I arrived in London's Gatwick just as the morning was beginning. The next few hours were spent exploring what is still my favorite city. London. So much detail, so much beauty. Little did I know what tales laid behind the facades, little did I know what the next few days were going to hold for me.
But all that needs to wait till next time. Sorry for the long entries. I had no clue this was going to be such a detailed recollection but I must admit I am truly enjoying writing it. I've gotten past all the hard parts to write so expect a the next part very very soon. until then; thanks for reading.
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