its a new decade?

Well I guess with it being 2010 (or '10 or however you want to type or say it) that its a new decade, which meant that this year we had the chance to not only see, read, and listen to lists of crap that happened in the last year but also in the last ten years.  It was kind of nice looking back over ten years though.

I guess I should do that on here then.  10 years ago.  goodness I fear this is going to be a long post.  here I go

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With the launch of new decade there seems to be no better time to look back at the past decade.

Year 2000

even ten years past it just saying it makes it seem like a far away distant future.  Ah 2000.  I was a sophomore in high school, more awkward than ever.  I filled my days with telling people they were going to hell, pretending i was a holy than thou person, and hating myself because of the many sins i committed every day. 

The only people who really ever sat with me in the lunchroom were the goths and it wasn't as much them sitting with me as it was me providing them with some lunchtime entertainment.  I boldly would tell them how Christianity was the only way, it was my drug of sorts at the time.  Though I secretly wished I was going, or at least was being invited to, the many parties, orgies, and just plain debauchery that the school hallways was filled with chatter of ever Monday.

By this time though I had found a group of people, most of whom who had 'seen the light' from such lifestyles of excess and were now filling their days with getting drunk in the spirit and high on the holy ghost.   With a rage poorly hidden under a veil of religion and yet lashed out at anyone who tried to get close to me. 

By 2001 I was leading bible studies, christian groups and in the midst of dreams of becoming the rock star I really wanted to be but by this time I had all but given up on the hopes of being a model, a member of a boy band, or actor instead I was doing all in the name of Jesus.  I quickly convinced others around me to buy into the idea of taking anything popular and re-branding it as Christian.  Soon I was leading a monthly wanna be nightclub in the fellowship hall of my church.  It seemed to be wildly successful and I immediately jumped on the bandwagon and began talking to many other groups about replicating this club in places throughout the region.

A new youth minister (who knew I was one of only 2 people on the search board who didn't vote for him) came to town and quickly usurped what little power I had with the club and shut the whole production down.   A meeting with him and my Sunday school teacher, whom I looked up to, literally left me shaking out the rage and shock I had that a 'person of god' could be such a heartless person, saying more or less that I would never amount to anything and telling me I would only be a leader if I took his classes.  Soon all my church friends were spreading rumors based lies he had told about why the whole thing was being shut down.  This was the beginning of the end of my relationship with Church.

What few friends I had seemed to all chose the cool new immature youth minister over me.  I was more alone than ever.  I filled my days listening to techno, filling online message boards and trying to do my best in school.  I devoted myself to the academy I was in at the high school, but it was then also shut down by the district just as it was getting huge.  I was alone, filling my evenings with crying into my pillow, hoping that I would somehow suffocate in my pillow in the night and not wake up in the morning.

By this point I had my license and was heading to Orlando every chance I got.  I had a friend who would usually go with me, just me and him exploring Orlando.  This was back when International Drive was young, alive, and much less tacky than it is nowadays.  Pointe Orlando was the new place on the block and within there was a cutting edge arcade and nightclub where I would spend countless hours watching the Asians dance on Dance Dance Revolution.  This was my only escape from a town that never really accepted me, a town that for whatever reason to this day still views me as an outsider.

One of the memories I will never forget is the empty ghost town like streets of the tourist district after 9/11.  A friend and I headed out to Pointe Orlando for our escape from the rednecks only to find an empty shopping complex.  It was the strangest thing ever.  

techno, cough syrup, and nature were my only friends or so it seemed. even the buzz from god I was used to getting was now all but gone.  I was still leading some Bible studies for a small group of followers who all seemed to claim miracles at my Bible studies.  I was prophesied over to become to the next Benny Hinn (no joke!) and was still counting on this to get me somewhere in life.  Though my intentions weren't all ill conceived or filled with double motives.  I generally believed it was all God leading me to do these things.

The church I was going to for my Friday night high soon brought in the Toronto Blessing.  I roared like a lion, was exercised and soon seeing how insane all of it was.  The last night I ever went to the church a lady got up on the stage and began clucking like a chicken.  My eyes finally opened to the insanity of all that was going on around me.

One of the people who always seemed to support my craziness was a lady who I  know believed could have possibly been in the witness protection program.  She was a mid 30's 1980's L.A. raver, who filled our conversations with stories of raves, gangs, drugs, and running for her life.  She know was filling her days with bible studies in a small southern town. Then without any warning one day she was gone, she literally left on a train in the middle of the night to go back to California.  Last I heard she was making christian films while living somewhere in West Hollywood.  I wonder to this day if any of those crazy things i said or did at my bible studies had any influence on her, and in return on her movies.  scary thought.


By 2002 rolled around I had sold all my own dreams for those of religion, giving up any dream of being an imagineer or architect instead heading into ministry.  I found a small college within a commute of my parents house. 

I graduated from high school, freeing myself from one life and about to re-invent  myself.  One big thing still eating away at me, still filling my thoughts with guilt.

At graduation I got a new car, a tiny little Neon, it was amazing.  The summer before college was filled with lots of questions and fears of what the future held.  One thing was for sure the person who I was was about to change. 

This posting is getting way too long so that will have to wait till part two of decade in review. Next post will be better I promise.  a graphic death, more happy california people, and a trip to the Brownsville revival!

until then happy reading.  and much love.