Digging a deeper well

All it takes is faith the size of a mustard seed, just a small tiny bit of faith and yet I still question if I have it. God has provided for me for the last 15 months I have been without a full time job, he has provided for my parents for the last 6 months my father has been without a job, and yet I still question him.

I am so much better off than millions of others. I have a roof over my head, a car, food, good health, and yet all I can focus on is the things I don't have. I must have faith in God. He will provide in due time.

How much praying does it take? Should I continue to pray, I mean he's already heard my thousands of prayers whats one more going to do. But then I look at the Bible, here people literally walked with Jesus and still everyday they were in the temple courts praying.

Truthfully its been hard for me lately. After 15 months its hard to keep praying, to keep trusting, to keep waiting. Yet that is exactly what is required of me. It is similar to exercising (something else I've been neglecting), it is when you think you can't go any further that a second wind of energy burst from within and you finish the task.

I have grown so much over the last 15 months and yet I see more than ever the amount I need to grow. I have learned in the hard times more than I ever did in the easy times that God is in control, always and forever. And yet I still stress, I still cry, I still plan, I still worry about finding a job, about paying bills, about my lack of faith.

I sit listening to worship music on Pandora and I hear how so many others have gone through their own personal dark valleys. It is in the times of questioning, times of doubt, that the Lord provides in the most amazing ways, ways we never imagined.

Look at the Israelites, there they were in a desert with no food and yet somehow, someway God causes manna to just appear. Later on he provides oil long after it should have gone dry. He provides a cool room inside of a furnace, he provides safety in the midst of lions, he provides. In ways we can never imagine he provides.

Here I am, not in a desert, or a lion den, or even homeless and yet if I said my faith in sometimes wavering I would be lying. I know God provides and in ways we never can imagine but its hard to have faith in such times.

I am certain God will provide my father, myself and the countless others who are in need jobs, of hope, with what we truly need, it may not be in the ways we have ever imagined but God will provide.
God, just give me the faith the last that long.