The Truth, something I rarely see, yet always knows exsist

So as most of you know I am trying to start a company that does church event planning and camp brokerage. In the meantime I am also trying to save up for a wedding. The two together are hard to do.

the end.


ok, not really. Its just when I feel God calling me to do something it seems as though everything else falls apart. I KNOW I am supposed to do these camps, and do them now, but I am stressing over money issues, job security, and all this other stuff. I know the simple answer is to trust God more, but its hard. Plus when does trust turn into blind stupidity? When does trusting in God just become laziness on my side of the deal?

It seems every time something of God is placed on the table everything else falls apart making it all the more difficult to do the thing of God. I need a SUPER flexible job, Maggie needs a job, I don't know where to look. Craigslist, CareerBuilder, Monster, Youth Specialities, Churchjobs, etc. but yet nothing for either of us. My, get that MY plan isn't working. MY plan never works.

I know another plan is in the works but where, when, how? All I know is that my father doesn't have a job and everyday I fear Maggie and I both will wake up with a voicemail that we no longer have jobs. I know what I need to do to do what God has called me to do, but how do I survive in the meantime? How do we pay/plan for a wedding, start a business, and still have good paying jobs?

Its tough on everyone right now, I know that, but I fear that I won't be able to keep my head above water for much longer. I have had so many 'great' ideas though none turned out to be all that great.

I have had some workings with shady people in my past, at this point I am even placing them back on the table. My only other option is going into even more debt, something I vowed to never do. I keep being reminded of a faithful person who went into debt for God's calling and how in the end it was a success, yet would God really call me, who is already in tons of debt into more debt. I doubt it, I really really doubt it.

But what other options are there? I know of none, I see no open doors. In the past my parents have almost always bailed me out, this time there in just as deep as I am. I see no way out for Maggie or I. I see a train wreck up ahead yet our lives are still in full speed ahead, the brakes burnt out months ago. The life lessons long learned. What more is there, where is the hidden door?




Pray for us, all of us.